Better Together Series Post #1
Your husband is not your BFF — or at least not your only BFF! How many remember what BFF stands for? Best Friends Forever, right?!
BFFs are the result of a lot of time, effort, and vulnerability. I’ve certainly spent plenty of time with Mr. Keller. Marriage takes effort, and he’s seen me without makeup, giving birth, sick, and sad. We’ve definitely hit the requirements for BFF; however, he’s still a man! He doesn’t understand a lot of my emotions. In fact, I’m pretty sure he attributes any anger or sadness towards “that time of the month” — no matter what! After all, I couldn’t possibly actually be mad at him, right?!
Women were meant to form communities with one another to really provide that support. It wasn’t so long ago that women lived in communities where they could mother together. There were quilting bees, family cooking sessions, major laundry sessions, and other homemaking activities. They even assisted one another through illnesses and child birth. Now, most women, myself included, really don’t have those types of communities.
“Because our mothering community is no longer formed within extended family relationships, we have to pursue, discover, and assemble it ourselves. We have to recognize the value of it and make it a priority in our lives because we are stronger, wiser, and even healthier when we have a mom community around us.” Jill Savage, Better Together.
Better Together suggests that our friends are good for our health. This isn’t just limited to our physical health! Friendships are great for our spiritual health, emotional health, and our marital health!
In fact, I might go so far as to say that good friendships can be marriage saving! It’s unfair to expect our husbands to really get our struggles. I fully expect Mr. Keller to support me and be there for me, but there is so much that he just doesn’t understand!
Mr. Keller doesn’t understand the struggles of Motherhood, just like I don’t really understand the struggles of Fatherhood. He doesn’t understand how I worried when the children were tiny and didn’t hit those major milestones just perfectly on time. He doesn’t understand my crazy emotions around BK’s future kindergartner status. He also doesn’t understand my daily struggles of balancing my housewife chores (cooking, cleaning), with my status as Mom (do they even know the word “Dad” when they want something??), and my career as an accountant. Perhaps it’s unfair, but sometimes I feel as though everything is on my shoulders. Thankfully, I know other women in the same boat, and they can provide perspective, and pull me back from the edge when life gets too crazy. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that friendships have saved my marriage, but I would say that they have provided important perspective.
On a lighter note, girlfriends really take the pressure off of husbands when it comes to activities. That is, I would far rather go shopping with a girlfriend! Frankly, shopping with Mr. Keller isn’t fun at all! Now, I’m not shopping much lately, but I do still love to visit Chicago with girlfriends!
Let’s face it, there are just some things men aren’t good at! Mr. Keller just isn’t cutting it as my girlfriend! He’s a great man, and certainly one of my BFF’s, but for the health of our marriage, he can’t be my only BFF. I need someone who can relate to my experiences, and it’s unfair to expect him to be that person!
Sidenote: These are the thoughts after reading chapter one of Better Together! You can preorder your copy on amazon.